There have been many occasions in my marriage that I have dreaded to come home. It can be because of something I know I have done wrong, or the mood of my wife. Over the years I have learnt a number of lessons, which if applied would make a world of a difference in creating a happier marriage for my wife and I and for other marriages out there. We are in the process of introspecting on all of these and implementing them in our marriage. Advice is always easier given than taken, remember, Family Over Everything, but here goes the list.
I will start by quoting Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Whether women want to hear this or not, it is your duty as a wife and mother to make your home comfortable and peaceful for your husband.
- No matter how bad a day you have had, welcome your husband with a smile, an embrace and a big wet kiss everyday, it will make a huge difference in lifting the mood of a husband who has been working hard all day.
- If you want to live like his ‘Queen’ then treat him like your ‘King’. Let him have an upper hand in most of the matters.
- In Christianity a husband has a very high status. As a wife it is your responsibility to give him utmost respect and look after all his needs.
- Look forward to his coming back from work and also get ready in time for his arrival. Rejuvenate his spirits by presenting yourself with a fresh and charming look every time he comes home. A pleasant fragrance and a genuine smile can work wonders.
- Nagging is an act that is most unpleasant. Do not let it dominate your nature as it can gradually destroy a marriage. This is one thing common in most women that men absolutely hate. Be sensitive and sensible enough.
- Make efforts in cooking meals that your husband loves. It is said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. When you satisfy his taste buds, he will automatically be at peace.
- Make your husband go ‘wow!’ with occasional surprises planned for him. Why should only husbands plan surprises for their wives? Even men like to feel pampered once in a while. Do not wait for some special day. Try to make every day of your married life a special day.
- Be a part of the group of women who are trying to erase the stereotype notion about women playing a negative role in marriages rather than being a part of that group that is acting like a proof to that notion.
- Fights are common in a marriage. In fact, they play a big role in making a successful marriage. But it is very important to choose between fights which are necessary and the ones which are not. We agree nobody fights willingly but then there are topics and issues which are too petty to ‘wage a war’ against the husband. So the next time you get angry, think twice. The reason for your anger, is it really necessary? Also, do not start your fight as soon as he enters home no matter how genuine your reasons are.
- One of the common problems with women is that they are often very difficult to satisfy. You should not look at the women above you in status because of their affluent husbands. Rather, look at those who are below you. Remember, contentment is the key to a happy marriage.
- Before marriage women love to dream about a perfect husband, perfect in-laws, a perfect house and what not? But when you get married you realise life is probably not as per your dreams. So wake up and embrace the beauty of the reality, whatever it has to offer. This is the primary rule of a perfect marriage. When you come to terms with reality and accept the fact that the house, your husband, your in-laws are way different from what you had imagined, that’s when you will have a perfect marriage.
- When you are conversing with him avoid bringing a subject that he has aversion to, like a rough time you might have had during the earlier period of your marriage. Let the past be the past. There’s an Arabic proverb that states that you should write the bad things that happen to you in the sand, so that they can be easily erased from your memory.
- Be his best friend. Take plenty of interest in his work and if possible give him positive advice that would help him. Let him share with you his innermost secrets.
- Be careful to compliment him abundantly for any good turn he has done to you or any kindness he has shown to you.
- Encourage your husband not to miss the daily family prayers. If your husband develops the habit of praying with the family everyday then tomorrow your kids will,by Gods Grace, follow suit.
- Keep your husband satisfied in every manner. Keep a healthy environment full of piety at home, give him a pleasant company, cook good food, be friendly, respect your in-laws, share, discuss and find solution to problems jointly, and your husband will thank God for gifting him such a mature and understanding better half.
- Create a Christian atmosphere at home by imparting Christianlearning) to the children so that they become good Christians when they grow up.
- If you are recently married and you discover your husband is not very friendly towards you or your in-laws are a bit too harsh with you, then do not panic and take hasty steps that you might regret later. Also, do not talk to other people about your problems as this can easily lead you to commit the sin of backbiting. Instead, turn to God and beseech His help. Try to be as pleasant as you can to win your husband and your in-laws. With your perseverance by Gods Grace things will work out well for you.
I will quote 1 Peter 3:7 “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
- No matter how bad your day was at work, make an effort to smile and embrace your family when you get home. Children and your wife need to know that you are happy to see them. After all we are all working for our families right.
- You must be nice to your wife. Make small gestures, but make them often and make them with sincerity. The little things matter.
- Renew affection by telling your wife ‘I love you’ at least once a day. The three words ‘I love you’ can mean a lot to her!
- A happy marriage is based on commitment, deep friendship, knowing each other well, having mutual respect, knowing when it makes sense to try to work out an issue.
- Spending time with your family should be high on your priority, your friends come later. Your wife and your kids love your company and as such they would really appreciate if you spend as much of your free time as possible with them.
- Never go to sleep when you are upset with one another. Try to resolve the matter as much amicably as you can. Never make a back-handed apology like “well I am sorry but partly its your fault too. You should have done this and that…” Be sincere in your apology. Forgive and forget even if you feel it was your partner’s fault.
- Do not let her feel inferior in any way. Give her a VIP treatment in every respect.
- Be observant enough to notice any new dress she has put or any new dish she has prepared for you and compliment her accordingly with all sincerity. Sometimes a wife dresses up for her man but he hardly notices it. This really puts her off.
- Try as much as you can to give her a helping hand in the domestic chores. Also, do not overburden her with work when she is feeling under the weather.
- Bring her a gift every now and then. Do not wait for a special occasion. The value does not matter it’s the sincerity that counts. Even a flower a day can keep the boredom at bay!
- Try your best not to scold or belittle your wife in front of other people or compare her negatively with other women. Also, never pass sarcastic or satirical remarks against her and neither use harsh language when talking to her even if you have lost your temper for any reason.
- Even in the privacy of your bedroom, if you want to point out to her about her shortcomings then do it very discreetly and without hurting her feelings.
- At times we tend to taunt and insult our wives for any wrong done by someone from their parents’ side. Such unfair behavior can easily bring rifts between the couples.
- You are often very kind and sweet to your friends and colleagues and reserve your screams and yells for your wife and children. This attitude destroys the tranquility at home and it can also create rifts not only between the couples but also between you and your kids. Your behavior with your family members should be such that they should be looking forward to your coming home and not dreading it.
- Pay extra attention to the language you use at home. Foul language, insults and swearing can create a very disturbing atmosphere at home and it can also have a poor impact on your children.
No matter the current temperature of your marriage dynamic, you can make your home a sanctuary. To promote a sense of refuge and security in your marriage, work on one of the above areas and begin to create a home that is a beautiful haven. It may be one of the most important things you could do for your marriage and your home.
Wilbert Frank Chaniwa