One of the most powerful things you can ever do for your marriage to save your marriage is to keep danger out and love within. We all fall short in this area as we allow certain elements into our marriage and certain elements to get out of or marriage boundaries. One of the suggestions that we can make is to save your marriage by building a fence around your relationship. We had this conversation with my wife the other day because there is a time and place for everything. We noticed that not all the people who are interested in our lives have our best interests at heart.
Why do we have fences. Why don’t we share what we have with each other with people. Why is this fence here? Should we let people into our lives, even though it opens up to risk. Clearly there are some fences that we should not have.
However, there are some things in your marriage that absolutely NEED fencing in.
These things are critical to your personal health and the health of your marriage.
Firstly, each person must set their own individual fences for themselves. Two lives becoming one, means two individual lives combine to create an incredible God inspired union. However, you are still responsible for you. You are responsible for your walk with the Lord. You are responsible for your actions and there consequences. God will hold you accountable for you! 2 Corinthians 5:10 “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.”
In marriage, each spouse has their own responsibility according to Gods Law. These individual responsibilities are no transferable and MUST be fulfilled. You have a responsibility to God and your spouse to fulfill your Biblical role in marriage. See Ephesians 5:21-33. God has made the standard for husbands and wives. You are responsible for you. Your accountability ends with you. (The fence)
For example, I am responsible as a husband for being the spiritual leader in my home, but I am not responsible for my wife’s walk with the Lord. You are not responsible for the behavior of your spouse, but you are responsible for yours.
If your spouse flies into a fit of rage, you don’t have to do the same thing. Don’t enable your spouse by taking those consequences for them.
“If you are going to raise your voice at me, I am not going talking to you until you calm down.”
“If you are going to hurt me or the children, I am going to leave until you get help for your anger.”
“If you are going to drink alcohol, I am going to leave with the children until you get yourself sober.”
“If you are going to look at pornography, I am not going to be a “wife” to you until you are willing to change.”
Hobbies within a marriage can be good, but they can also be a negative distraction.
You should allow and support your spouse to have these things that make them an individual. Sometimes hobbies can become hurtful. When they are obsessive in nature. The wife who overspends when shopping. The husband who overspends on his hobbies. When they are neglectful to your family and your obligations.
The roles in marriage can be abused. The husband who uses his headship for selfishness. The wife who uses her spirit as a way to control and manipulate.
You have determine the limits of your hobbies.
Learn to say no to family that expects too much from you. Learn to say no to friends who want to dump all their problems on you, but never listen to yours. Friends who would rather talk about your problems to make themselves feel good, but have no real meaningful solution to the problem you share with them
Learn to say no to the friends who are irresponsible and dont consider that you are a married woman in their advice and expectations of you. Put up a fence to protect your marriage.
Beware of the shoulder you lean on. When having marriage problems our first inclination is to talk about it to someone. The lady at work who “admires” you.
The man at Church who “understands” you. Beware of the love triangle.
Like in movies there is always that “other” person pulling at the main character.
You can get caught in an emotional love triangle- conflicted feeling for another person. It can be a relative or a supposed friend. If you fail to “fence in” your marriage you can become vulnerable to the snares of satan. To over expose your issues to the detriment of your own marriage, pushing your partner away directly or indirectly
God created natural boundaries between the land and the water so the earth could function in a manner that supports life. We need to follow His example and establish emotional, spiritual and physical boundaries so our lives can function in a healthy way. These relationship boundaries determine what things are and are not our responsibility. Failing to understanding this principle — what is and what is not our responsibility, and living accordingly — is a critical mistake many couples make
How are you doing with boundaries in your marriage? Are you living with paper fences, allowing others to tell you what you think, how to behave and what to feel? Consider lovingly sharing with them the concept of personal boundaries, and learn to enjoy the excitement that differences can bring to marriage.
Will Frank @ariseinchrist