Are you Building or Destroying your Marriage?

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

It’s estimated that the average adult makes about 35,000 remotely conscious decisions each day. Each decision, of course, carries certain consequences with it that are both good and bad. Marriage is one of those major choices in life, and what happens in the marriage on a daily basis determines the quality of the marriage and your life.

As I have discovered in my marriage of 9 years, both man and wife both have a role to play in the quality of the relationship in a marriage. For a very long time I was making the wrong choices in how I “handled” the different situations that required me to make the “right ” choices. How we ACT and REACT, goes a long way in determining the narrative. Keeping a marriage healthy and flourishing takes a lot of work. We have to be particularly mindful about the way we treat each other so that we continue to grow and thrive in the relationship. 

For Wives, Remember, men are wired to fix things, and if all you do is complain and mope as a wife, that can be a huge burden on your partner. We all have our off days, but if you notice that your bad days are extending into prolonged periods of dissatisfaction, try to be more in control of your mood. If you really can’t pick yourself up from your slump, it may be time to consult a professional.

For Husbands,one of the most miserable experiences for a wife is that feeling of isolation when her husband emotionally leaves the relationship. She desires to spend time with you, the man she loves. To be left alone by her husband causes deep heartache for women. For most women, their largest fears boil down to isolation and deprivation. When she feels abandoned by you, she attacks with hurtful and disrespectful behavior. Her ability to verbally hurt you is her strongest weapon, and she uses it out of fear in an effort to try to get your attention.

When a wife begins to nag because you never spend time at home, never hang out with her, and never engage with the kids, chances are she is feeling abandoned and isolated. When you stop spending time together, the emotional distance between you two grows quickly.

For Wives, If your marriage is more of the traditional sort, your husband is probably the person of authority, whether you two formally agreed on this or not. There’s nothing wrong with your husband taking on the leadership in your family, but when you undermine him and blame him when the crap hits the fan (and they will, that’s how life works), then that can damage your relationship.

If you disagree with his decisions, I recommend doing so respectfully instead of making him feel incapable of leading. Work together when making important decisions and don’t go behind your husband’s back on any issue. Its a massive sign on disrespect

Women exist as an integrated circuit. The mind, body, and soul are closely linked — so, hurt feelings affect the entire system. A wife whose spirit is crushed may suffer from fatigue and confusion. Men compartmentalize. If one light goes out on his strand, all the other lights function properly, unaffected. Men are able to fully function when one area of their lives is not working properly.

Your wife does not understand the closed-off and mysterious way you operate. Things don’t seem to bother you. You never want to talk to her. She knows you are stressed about work, yet you don’t show it or express that further to her. She wonders how you can even function. Your wife is not trying to pry or sneak her way into no-man’s land. She simply wants you to be open. She wants to truly see you. She feels loved when you share your fears, worries, and troubles. She wants to be that person for you and committed to being so when you got married. She won’t try to fix you. She will listen. I particularly have had this problem with my wife and it has caused many an issue as it centers a lot around trust.

Try talking to her about what is going on in your life. Women like to vent, without seeking a solution, and she wants to give you the freedom to share yourself verbally

For Wives, giving your husband the silent treatment and withholding physical affection and sex is manipulative and emotionally abusive. You might see your behaviour as nothing more than harmless sulking, but this could send a message to your husband that you only love or want him for what he can do for you. When you are angry with your husband, find some time for yourself so you can blow off some steam, then talk things out. You’ll both feel better in the end.

All marriages have conflict. The refusal to apologize is a quick way to destroy yours. While conflict is not a pleasant thing, growth and closeness can increase as conflict is resolved. For your wife, an apology means she has moved forward through the conflict, and she is now seeking peace.

Many husbands see apologizing as a sure sign of weakness. They think, “If I apologize, she won’t respect me.” On the contrary, if you humbly apologize and ask her forgiveness, your wife will be putty in your hands. Your small act of contrition soothes her spirit, and acts as a healing balm over her heart. Furthermore, it shows that you’re open and willing to make things work, that you care enough to admit to your faults and move past and through them.

It is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, then work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek the things that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

Will Frank @ariseinchrist

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