When you’re in a Marriage with someone, not everything is always perfect, and part of being in a relationship is pushing your partner to grow. However, there are certain boundaries when it comes to complaints and criticisms. Spend too much time dwelling on the bad, and you may start to exhibit some signs that you are too negative with your partner.Even if you’re coming from a good place, you never want to put too much emphasis on the downsides of a relationship, and you could end up hurting your partner or pushing them away if you’re always nitpicking at everything they do.
I have to confess that in my marriage there came a point where i wasn’t seeing the positive in my wife. I just felt like she complained too much and had it out for me. I build long fortified walls to keep her out and created my own reality, which wasnt too good.
Being too negative in a relationship can have many damaging effects on both parties and on the relationship itself. Negativity makes other people feel depressed, is a total buzz-kill, and can be a self-fulfilling prophesy. Negativity also reduces libido and the frequency and quality of sex that couple could be enjoying.
It’s not a good sign if everything you say is construed as negative, even when you were saying something entirely neutral. There’s information in that miscommunication.If your partner has a lot of those experiences with you, they’ll build up. Neutral cues will be coded as negative.
Your unhappiness with life might seep out into your relationship with your partner. You might feel dissatisfied in general, but you’re only safe to express that within your relationship.You might not mean to, but you’ve begun using your partner as a bit of a punching bag to release your frustrations. If this keeps up, it can become emotionally abusive.
Unfortunately, when we feel unloved or disrespected, we often start judging motives rather than seeing the person’s best intent. So whenever our spouse’s good intentions fail to produce loving or respectful actions, we have a choice: to believe the best about our spouse or to question his or her heart.
Though we are good-willed people, sin still holds us in its grip. We all have moments when we are selfish, needy or even mean and spiteful. When your spouse shows his or her sinful side, it is easy to label him or her as “evil-willed.” But your spouse’s temporary nastiness must be distinguished from evil character.
Your angry spouse might temporarily not wish you well, but these exceptions don’t do away with your spouse’s overall character and good intentions. You can still choose to see the best in your spouse. And when you sit down to discuss his or her actions in a respectful and loving way, you’ll probably discover that the unloving behavior was triggered by an emotional wound or unmet need. Most anger and meanness in a marriage stems from pain or disappointment, not malice.
Colossians 3:13 “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Once you decide to see each other as good-willed people, it changes your perspective and the filter through which you view your relationship. Whether you’re arguing over sex or taking out the trash, you can rehearse what you know to be true: “He’s a good-willed man.” “She’s a good-willed woman.” Even in the middle of conflict, you can see each other as partners, allies and friends.
Here are a few things that any Marrried Spouse cant get tired of hearing
“I love you.”
“Your opinion is important to me/your feelings are important to me.”
“You look great!”
“I’m so glad I married you.”
“I can’t wait to be with you.”
“Our relationship is the most important one I have on this earth.”
“I’m sorry; please forgive me.”
“I appreciate it when you … ”
“It meant more to me than you will ever know when you… “
We are all not bad people. All of us like to hear these words from our spouses often. We need to work on expressing them to our spouses regularly. Know the LOVE LANGUAGE that works for your spouse and in your relationship. If you haven’t been in the habit of speaking words of encouragement and love to your spouse, you can begin now with taking just one of these and putting it into practice. Nurturing the good in someone helps for the good to grow in them.
Will Frank – @ariseinchrist