When you get married, nobody gives you a manual on how to operate your wife or husband. One thing God gave mankind is free will and even though sometimes we think we can control another person, we really cannot. I learnt the hard way early in my marriage to my wife that it can never work for 2 people in a marriage to go in different paths and achieve a positive results. Early in our marriage I didn’t feel total honesty was necessary and I did not carry my wife along with a lot of decisions I made. This obviously affected a lot of things in our marriage and destroyed the very foundation that marriage is built on, Trust and Team work.
Marriage like anything else that is good in life requires hard work. Imagine having a brand new car. For you to ensure the car runs smoothly for the next 5 years you need to consistently check the oil, the tyres, the fuel level and be careful which roads you drive that car into to avoid damaging it. That’s a lot of hard work and if you don’t do that then the car will have one issue or the other or will stop working. This is just like a marriage. If you don’t take time to maintain it, take care of your spouse, listen to and honor her needs, pamper him or her, make sure they have the fuel they need to go through the marriage day then chances are there will be problems.
One of the most important elements in running a successful marriage is teamwork. It is so easy for a couple to get out of sync and work against each other. Every couple needs to understand this concept and instead embrace the idea of becoming intimate allies. Allies communicate and defend each other. They coordinate their efforts and help each other out.
Marriage is like a three-legged race: Try to push ahead without your partner’s cooperation, and you both fall. Work together, and you both do well.
In marriage, you sometimes forget you’re on the same team as your spouse. Your spouse is not your enemy or your competitor. The two of you are one. If your partner wins, so do you. If your spouse loses, you do too. Your fates are linked.
It’s amazing what can be accomplished in your marriage when you work together. You cover one another’s weaknesses and reinforce each other’s strengths. When one stumbles, the other helps him up. This is what marriage is all about.
Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near”
My wife and I faced a lot of tension in our marriage because we both felt we were not on each others team. I would accuse her of not being on the same page with me and she would think I am selfish and think only of myself. But ultimately we both wanted the same thing but we were not coordinated clearly. Without coordination, your marriage will face conflict and tension; you will find yourselves working against each other. Coordination means figuring out a way to work together that uses both partners’ talents and abilities. It doesn’t mean competing with each other or letting one person do all the work. When your efforts are coordinated, life goes more smoothly and more is accomplished. In our home with 3 children (Lotta work)my wife and I help each other and coordinate household chores equally and this ensure both of us are not overly stressed with our day and tasks are achieved. Even with business decisions I now ensure I get her opinion before I just take my own decisions. This has saved me a lot of trouble because of her wise input. Women and men are things from different angles and both sides are important.
A marriage is hard work, but it is work done together. It is hard work done as the two of you remember that you are both on the same team — covering each other’s back, helping each other’s play, and daily even kneeling at each other’s side to pray together for each other and stay together.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken”
Wilbert Frank Chaniwa – @wilbertfc