When I got married to my wife Ceci I did not differentiate between dating and marriage. I thought the fantasy style romance would continue forever. But dating is very different from marriage. Every couple eventually has to deal with problems in the home—there is no perfect marriage and family. Problems like finances, communication, and conflict resolution are all important to work through in order to cultivate strong, loving relationships. As we got through these issues as a couple we lost a lot of steam in our romance and just started going through the motions. But the more we resigned to our reality, the sadder we became and the more we fought based on our misguided perceptions of what our lives should be. Thoughts of shoulda woulda coulda start coming into both of our minds. The more you look at the supposed grass being greener on the other side the unhappier we became and the more we didnt even value what we had.
Happiness in a marriage actually comes from a choice that 2 people make consciously within and in agreement to selflessly serve each other while putting God first at the center and forefront of all decisions. A husband and wife who constantly serve one another have discovered the secret of a great marriage.
Mark 10:45 “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Why is serving each other so important?
A person who refuses to serve his or her spouse is either dominating the relationship or has checked out emotionally. Men and women are absolutely equal. Serving your spouse—doing things in their interest, not yours—tells them “I am not better than you.”
Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. Proverbs 13:10
We’re naturally prideful. Both men and women have pride issues in their lives. We might be given tasks or asked to do things and we think, “I’m too good for that.” But that’s an unhealthy attitude in marriage. Helping is about being involved with even the insignificant details of each other’s days.
Do the dishes. Wash the car. Fold clothes. Clean toilets. Give a foot rub. Nothing is beneath you if it benefits your spouse. One of the worst marriages I’ve ever seen was a wealthy couple who wouldn’t do anything for each other. Why? Because they always hired people to do any work for them.
In Matthew 6, Jesus said, “Wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Where you invest yourself, that’s where your passion will be. If you’re pouring all your time and abilities into your work, or your children, or your hobbies, that will become what you treasure most.
Pour your time and abilities into serving your spouse, and your spouse will be drawn back to you. Continually investing in each other helps you stay passionate for each other. It means you’re sharing your life with each other. It brings you closer.
My wife and I want our marriage to affect the entire world, starting with our own children and reaching out to everyone who sees us.
Marriage and Life is a gift or Present from God. “LIVE” your life and marriage in the Present and focus on the future and dont go backwards to the past. Going backwards will never take you forward. “LIVE” spelt backwards is EVIL. Don’t dominate your present with your past, let go, as you will not have room for blessings God has for your future. Serve each other as a couple selflessly and with humility, after all Jesus did it for us. That’s the real secret to a happy marriage.
1 Peter 4:10 “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
Wilbert Frank Chaniwa – @wilbertfc