I know that before I could find my own wife I thought that I would never get find the right person who would fit my profile and personality. Reflecting back on my list, I remember what is was looking for was primarily physical beauty, intelligence, career drive etc. My list did not dwell too much on the persons love for God. I was just lucky that I found a down to earth wife who loved the Lord. This list also said nothing about my own preparedness for marriage and how much I had put God first in my life.
Matthew 7:3 “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”
I spent so much time looking at how perfect my wife should be but I never looked at my own preparedness for marriage. Would I be able to fit the profile of husband this perfect woman would be looking for.
I am stirred to write about this as I see the sad effects in my life and young people’s lives of going their own way in their relationship with the opposite sex and subsequent jumping into marriage. The question of choosing a partner affects our whole spiritual outlook; how many promising lives have been ruined by a wrong choice! We all have to own our weakness and how much the old nature has to be kept in the place of death; but we can also be thankful that the grace of God is available for our every need.
I have been in the hospitality industry for 17 years and one of the major things were are taught is something called ” Mis en place” which is French for preparation before service. Once you don’t prepare, your service will most definitely go wrong.
My lack of preparation proved disastrous to my marriage. First, I did not know God properly. If one has no genuine love for God and fear of God then it will be easy for them to be swayed by the world.
Matthew 6: 33 ” But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Do not be in a hurry to look for a spouse when you have not found God in your life genuinely. Seek God before you seek your spouse. With the presence of God in your life He will Most likely lead you to the right spouse.
Genesis 41:54 “and the seven years of famine began to come, as Joseph had said. There was famine in all lands, but in all the land of Egypt there was bread”
As a man, one has a the responsibility to provide for his spouse and family. With this in mind, don’t just get married without a job, without a business or without some form of livelihood. Marriage is real life and one needs to prepare for days of plenty and days of famine. Financial problems are one of the major causes of quarrels and divorce in marriages.
Titus 2:4-5 “Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
Ladies should ensure that they prepare to be submissive to the husband and support him. This means the ability to advise the husband in a Godly way about issues and taking care of the home. As you start having children women need to nurture the children and work with the husband to teach them in the way they should go in the ways of God.
Look for the qualities of the spouse and not the material results. Rather look for a man or woman with integrity, works hard and loves God than to look for a spouse that has a fancy car and deep pockets and loves material things.
Mark 10 : 25 ” It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God”
If you find a very rich husband or a very rich or materialistic wife, that marriage will not be built on the right foundation. It is always important for a couple to build wealth together so that they value each other. A person who is finished product financially will not value you when you come into the marriage with nothing.
Ecclesiastes 9:9″ Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.”
Grow together and learn lessons together. Prepare for marriage and not only the wedding. I see a lot more emphasis on wedding preparations than on marriage preparation. In this day and age of selfies and self glorification, I see a lot of couples focusing on a lavish and expensive wedding with all the trimmings but before 2 to 3 years the marriage is scattered. This is because the foundation of the marriage is wrong. Marriage unites two sinners into one. Without looking at the gospel you will not understand biblical marriage. The main purpose of marriage is to glorify God and to be a representation of how Christ loves the church.
“A good marriage must have its foundation in Jesus Christ in order to experience lasting love peace and joy.”
Wilbert Frank Chaniwa – @wilbertfc