I entered into marriage with a distorted view of unity. I believe like me at that time a lot of couples don’t know what it means to move forward in Marriage with a unity of purpose. I came into the marriage with my own identity, ideas, dreams and expectations and so did my wife. Because we did not come together early and unify our purposes this led to both of us chasing our individual dreams within the marriage. We quickly learned that unless there is an intentional protection and respect for each other’s unique identities, purposes, talents, skills and callings, a couple is prone to fall prey to a marriage that consumes them rather than compels them both to greatness.
For my wife and I to have a healthy marriage we had to fight a lot of battles as our territories were constantly being unwillingly trespassed.
For our marriage to be healthy we realised later that we had to maintain separate identities and purposes as we united under the shared purpose of fulfilling the dominion rule of God in and through our partnership.
Within the boundaries of the marriage relationship, both the husband and wife are to fully pursue their calling under God — utilizing their giftedness to advance the potential of the other in an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect, so long as biblical priorities of the unity of the family are not being compromised.
But the greatest gift you can give your unity is to maintain your individual uniqueness. Because when two strong and sure people come together under the Lord, utilizing their gifts, minds and spirits according to His plan, a greater kingdom impact will occur.
When my wife and I were using our own understanding to chart a way forward for the family, we seemed to get confused and never really maintained the plan long term. I would pursue my own plans without involving her and this shattered trust in our house. I didn’t understand why I had to tell her everything. I just felt as long as money came into the home and she was fine then she didn’t really need to probe too much about my plans and methods. Even when she had categorically told me she does not agree with certain plans, I would just feel that as a woman she didn’t understand and I would show her once I achieve that she was wrong. This attitude I had did not nurture unity and as a result we became very distant and we constantly disagreed and quarreled about multiple issues.
Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
When I let Christ into my life and studied my Christian role in the home as a husband and father, I realised I had been making a grave mistake. Just like me, in many homes and marriages across the world the unity of the Spirit is under attack, and as a result, your marriage monitoring system should activate some unity preservation practices that will counteract the threat.
What is this foundational threat to the unity of the Spirit? It is the tendency to elevate our personal agendas over the Spirit’s agenda in our marriages. Too many couples are fighting for selfish agendas within a marriage. This selfishness and pride is the number one cause of divorces nowadays.
If you are married, you need to do an immediate introspection of your role in unity in the marriage.
Are you willing — in the interest of unity — to submit your desires, no matter how good, to God’s purpose in your marriage?Are you willing to serve your mate, looking out for his or her interests above your own? Do you find yourself responding with anger when your agenda is challenged? Can you wait for the Spirit and the discernment of your marriage partner before making a change? Do you insist on things being done your way?
You now know if you are the cause of unity of separation. To have any kind of unity we must first give ourselves to God. If we give ourselves to God, then we are not pursuing ourselves. Therefore, when there is unity of any kind it a sign that God is inside of us, and that is what creates the unity. So when we have unity in marriage – when we are “one flesh” – it is because we have dedicated ourselves to God and we are relying on God, not on ourselves, and that displays the existence of God inside of us.
Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”
Wilbert Frank Chaniwa – @wilbertfc