Sexual fidelity is one of the most important symbols of commitment in a relationship or marriage . Yet it is increasingly under attack from new pressures, and few of us understand why people have affairs or how best to recover from them.
As a writer on relationships and family life , I felt it was time to put attitudes to infidelity under the microscope if we want to strengthen our love lives and families.
Infidelity starts from your eyes heart and mind.
Matthew 5:28 “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Before you even act on the thought you have already sinned.
Exodus 20:14 “You shall not commit adultery”
In the Mosaic Law, God states clearly that adultery is not permitted. Adultery refers to the act of a married individual having sexual relations with someone other than their spouse. These days i see married men and women who have been messing around. They lead secret lives, as they hide themselves from their marriages. They go through wrenching divorces, inflicting pain on their children and their children’s children. Or they make desperate, tearful, sweaty efforts at holding on to the shreds of a life they’ve betrayed
Hebrews 13: 4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immorality ”
If your spouse has broken his or her marriage vows by having an adulterous affair, the deception has shattered the trust that had previously existed been the two of you. Trust is the foundation of all healthy relationships, so your marriage can’t survive unless you both work to rebuild that trust.
God’s word tells us just how harmful adultery can be, but it also speaks of grace and mercy from a loving God. Often those who commit adultery or who are deeply hurt by their spouses adultery wonder about forgiveness, divorce, and other consequences from this sin.
As a Christian, you know that God wants to heal your marriage. But the thought of ever trusting your spouse again may seem impossible when you consider it in your pain. So many people have divorced over infidelity.
Matthew 19:9 ” I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Is it really possible to heal after your spouse has been unfaithful? Yes, it is – because God is always faithful, and anything is possible with His help.
Even though your spouse has been unfaithful to you, God will always be faithful to you. Read and meditate on God’s biblical promises to you, absorbing them into your soul so you can deal with your situation from the right perspective. Let God’s promises give you the confidence you need to pour your deepest thoughts and feelings out to Him in prayer, and to believe that His grace is enough to lead you through the healing process.
Pray for the right perspective on your spouse so you can see that he or she most likely didn’t plan to sin so grievously, but that your spouse is just like you – an imperfect person who’s capable of serious sin, despite good intentions, if he or she drifts away from God. Ask God to give you compassion for your spouse’s brokenness and help you treat him or her gracefully, as God treats you when you sin.
You can learn to trust in your marriage again if you first deepen your trust in God. Decide right now to trust God with every part of your life – your marriage, but also your other relationships, your work, your health, your leisure time, etc. Instead of worrying about how you can trust your spouse again, choose to trust God to work in your spouse’s life – placing your trust in God’s Spirit who lives inside your spouse, rather than in your spouse alone. Pray for God to help your spouse gradually regain your trust by sacrificing anything that could lead to more unfaithfulness (such as avoiding being alone with people of the opposite sex), giving you complete access to information about his or her activities (such as computer passwords and phone records), and making honest decisions going forward.
Let your gratitude for how God has forgiven you of your own sins motivate you to obey His call to forgive others who have sinned against you, including your spouse. Don’t wait to obey until you feel like forgiving, because you likely never will feel like doing so. Instead, choose to act in forgiving ways toward your spouse (treating him or her with kindness and welcoming the positive changes he or she makes rather than bringing up his or her past sin), and God will gradually change your feelings in the process.
Do whatever you can to save your marriage. As long as your spouse is repentant and willing to work on restoring trust in your relationship, do whatever it takes to work on your marriage to try to save it. Rather than looking for excuses to leave your marriage, look for reasons to restore it, and be willing to do what’s necessary to avoid the tragedy of divorce and rebuild trust in your marriage.
In Divorce Satan Wins. Children and Families are broken with a lifetime of regret anger and sadness. The devil wants destruction and bitterness. God wants healing, forgiveness and building through Him. Be careful Who advises you. Are they from God or from the devil.
Romans 7: 2 ” For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. ”
Wilbert Frank Chaniwa – @wilbertfc