Commitment means making a choice to give up other choices. This simple truth explains why marriage can be so difficult. We don’t like to give up options in life, and our culture screams at us to hang on to them all. But great marriages are based on a deep commitment that casts aside all options but one.
Although this might at first sound limiting, it actually brings great freedom and depth. No longer does the committed person need to weigh which person or way of life will bring more happiness. Once committed, all one’s energy goes into making this commitment work
What happens between the solemn pronouncement of wedding vows and the decision to divorce? This is not a “one size fits all” situation. Certainly some couples made the decision to marry too young, too impetuously, too naively. Others were not psychologically mature enough to “forsake all others” or had other character flaws that were overlooked or not evident during courtship. Still others just got bored or tired of trying to make it work. Still others earnestly worked and gave their all to the marriage but their partner decided he or she wanted out. One can’t be married to an absent spouse.
In my marriage, everything happened so fast. Getting engaged in less than 3 months of courtship and getting married in less than a year. We were madly in love so a lot of character qualities were overlooked. Fast forward 7 years later after turbulence and hurricanes in the relationship and eventually finding God in the marriage (which should have happened at the beginning). God’s presence saved my marriage. Our covenant with God and with each other doesn’t give us any option than to work through our problems because God chose my wife for me and me for my wife do we don’t doubt God’s reasons for bringing us together. Divorce is not an option at all.
Many marriages could be revived if the commitment is strong. Sometimes it is simply the commitment to each other and God that carries a couple through the harder times, along with generous doses of time, counseling, effort, luck, and faith in God. To create that sort of bond, a couple must learn to trust each other. Equally important, they need to develop a lifelong friendship. When a man and woman earn each other’s trust and work at becoming the best of friends, their commitment to the marriage will grow. They will form a bond the Bible describes as being so close that it is as if the two people were “one flesh.”—Matthew 19:5.
How many selfish people do you know who have a happy marriage?’ Likely the answer is, Few if any. Why? A selfish individual will not likely remain committed to a marriage when personal sacrifice is required, especially when there is no immediate payoff for the small concessions he or she may make.
Ruth 1:16-17: But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
Wilbert Frank Chaniwa – @wilbertfc